this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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