She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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