I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
