Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
