She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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