plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
