Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
