screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hello my rib-scented angel!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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