new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
