Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
