He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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