i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My penis needs a shock collar
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have already put on my inside pants.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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