I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
