Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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