When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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