this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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