I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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