I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
