Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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