i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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