Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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