Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
