And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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