Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
