I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
