I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My feet surprised me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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