we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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