And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
