Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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