You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
