Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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