Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
zippers are such a cool invention
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even my vagina gasped.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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