If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
