By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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