she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
