just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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