I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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