If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize