Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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