i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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