His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize