She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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