We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Randomize
