I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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