she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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