Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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