Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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