So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
