I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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