I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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