I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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