He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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