I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
