i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
