my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
