you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
