You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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