life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
