so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
