Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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