it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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