is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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