I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
