Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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