apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
