he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
