Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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