She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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