Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
