don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
