That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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