evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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