Screwed.edu
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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