you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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