Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
