i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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