About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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