Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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