What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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