is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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