So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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