You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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