A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
