RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
